Gray Matters: Another great reason to hate credit card companies


For about 10 years I’ve had a particular credit card I couldn’t stand. I signed up for it because it promised me I’d earn points I could use for fun things but every time I’d go to use the points they’d tell me, “Well let’s see you have 10,000 points and the fun thing you want to do costs two million. Sorry.”

Today after I’d been chipping away at the bill for years I was in a position to pay off this particular credit card and yell into the phone the two words I’ve waited a decade to say- “CANCEL IT!!!”

Here’s how the conversation went.

Credit Card Lady- “OK just so you understand Mr. Gray you are paying off the remaining balance but you’ll still owe us money?”

Me- “Ex-squeeze me, baking powder?”

Credit Card Lady- “Huh?”

Me- “It’s a joke. You obviously never saw Wayne’s World. What did you say about me owing?”

Credit Card Lady- “You’ll still owe us a small amount of interest on the account.”

Me- “On what? The balance will be zero.”

Credit Card Lady- “On the interest.”

Me- “But there’s no interest on zero. Here let me give you an example. Fifty percent of zero is… wait for it… ZERO.”

Credit Card Lady- “You don’t understand.”

Me- “Clearly.”

Credit Card Lady- “Today you are paying it off over the phone but your bank will take a day or two to actually send us the money and we will send you a bill for the interest that is acquired during that lag time.”

Me- “You’re kidding.”

Credit Card Lady- “I work at a bank sir, we don’t kid.”

Me- “OK, cancel the card. Take the money and send me the bill for .22 cents or whatever.”

(now she turns to a script)

Credit Card Lady- “Before you go let me just say we at XYZ bank value you as a customer and hate losing you and I’m required to ask you why you are canceling your account?”

Me- “Take a wild guess.”

Credit Card Lady- “We don’t guess sir. We don’t guess and we don’t joke. We’re a bank.”

Me- “Hmm… lemme see. I’m canceling it because of you bloodsuckers nickel and dime me every chance you get and are the kind of bank that charges people 2 days interest when an account is canceled. I mean seriously who does that? It’s pathetic.  How’s that?”

Credit Card Lady- “Very good sir and you have a wonderful day.”

Me- “You too.”

I wonder if they’ll still send me a free calendar?

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